It didn’t take me long to decide to pump and bottle feed Owen. I couldn’t go on forcing my Breast on his face only to be screamed at every time. Clearly, this child wants to get the bottle. I mourn every day that I won’t be a Breast feeding mama. This also means I am pumping still and supplementing with formula. I decided not to stress myself with a rigid pump schedule so I pump 4 times a day, still producing between 20-25 ounces of milk. I’m on Domparidone to increase supply so it’s likely helping. I am starting to wean off it and will get a good idea if my supply drops.
Now, the big question mark looming over my head is, how long do I pump? I am mostly taking this day by day, week by week. If I could maintain one or two pumps a day so he reaps the benefits, OK. Or maybe I need to be pump freed finally & liberate myself. I haven’t decided yet. Every day I want to quit. And every day I want to pump until at least 6 months.
So, maybe I need an end game plan. Work out a weaning schedule so at six months of age he will be on Formula and Solids. I bought HiPP brand which is a German company. Their formulas are made of Organic Milk, non-GMO and doesnt contain the refined sugars. I feel better about feeding him this formula if I have to feed him any type. And I’m a lot more relaxed these days about feeding him formula. But I only ever really get that full sense of satisfaction in nourishing him when it’s my breast milk. But given the summer I’d really like to be out and about and traveling around and enjoying it I really need to detach myself from the pump for order in order for that to work. I really don’t wish for my entire year at home to be spent stuck to my pumped. I really do feel a sense of regret about how things turned out because he was able to breast-feed when he was born. I feel like Innoway my lack of knowledge and lack of doing my research on breast-feeding I really did this little guy some series in justice. I know he will be fine regardless of how he’s being fed as long as he’s being nourished but pumping and using formula was deathly not in my game plan. And I’m having a really difficult time letting go of what the game plan was.
I see all these tank tops and shirts I bought for the summer thinking I would be breast-feeding him and I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness. How naïve I once was to think that something so natural would just come to me.
I still have moments where I look at them and think oh maybe I will shove my boob in his face today and see what happens. But I shy away because I don’t want to be scream at and get him really upset.
That is my feeding update for now I will let you all know how things work out. The more I think about it the more I am wondering whether I really just want to wean him off breastmilk entirely. I figure another month or so and we will be on to solids.
I’ll send a baby update very soon!