Oh, Boy!

Yesterday was my follow up exam to see how my cervix is holding up. My doctor said she’s very happy with the results and as of today, she has no concerns. My cervix is staying at 2.9cm, there’s no funneling and it’s staying closed! While this does make me feel better, I still have my anxieties. I explained to my doctor that I am extremely nervous about going into early labor, as I did before, and I want some reassurance that once my Cervical Measurements stop, I am still being monitored. She said I will be having one last Cervical measurement next Wednesday the 22nd, and after that anything going on with my cervix will be inconclusive. She did however agree that if I feel better about it, I can continue going in for weekly appointments for my viability and OB appointments. This way, baby is still monitored and my amniotic levels are measured. I feel relieved that she’s agreed to to this.

Dr. H also explained to me that the Cervix doesn’t go from long to short in a short period of time, so given how my cervix is measuring it seems like if it were to thin out, it wouldn’t happen for quite a long while. She said that worse comes to worse, she would be comfortable with a baby born as early as 34/35 weeks, onward. The biggest issue the baby could have is feeding, because they’re so little. I feel good about her answer but, I still want to make it to term.

I have lost weight again. I went from 165lbs down to 163 last week & this week, 160lbs. The only thing I can imagine is that since last week, my stomach’s been in knots so I’ve lost a bit of my appetite and I’ve been having loose stools. I’ve read that constipation and water retention can cause weight gain so I can imagine that’s probably what has gone on. When I had my horrible bout of constipation last month, I lost a few lbs after my bowls finally emptied…in the same night!

And then the questionable….or inevitable happened…?…I found out the sex of the baby! It wasn’t intentional. I was looking at my cervical measurements results and BAM! There it was in black & white….. Fetus Gender: Male….I just stared at the words. I couldn’t believe I was seeing it. I thought to myself “Ok, I’m Female so it can’t be about me….”. So, wow! We are having a boy! I told my husband last night…I felt really badly because he wanted it to be a surprise but, we did discuss that should I find out, he would like to know. He’s asked to keep a surprise for everyone else. That is such a hard thing to do, but I will do my very best! I will be asking the technician next week at my ultrasound if he/she minds showing me what’s going on between the legs & getting an image of it. I feel like I need that confirmation, even though I saw it on a report.

Tomorrow I’m officially 29 Weeks pregnant! Wow….Getting so close! I’ll be updating this weekend with a 29 week bump.

Until then! Xo

Week 27 & 28

27 WeeksThis has been a rather busy week in our house so I’m sorry for the late update! I’ve been trying to get so much done this fall….we have new tenants for our basement apartment – that was a long process, lots of house fixes as well as getting my house ready before baby. LOTS of purging and cleaning! And I still need to get the nursery decorated & ready to rock!

Week 27 has been a good one. Baby’s been very active – lots more rolls than kicks. Although I’m still getting lots of kicks & punches. Some days more active than others. My constipation is always an issue – soon as I find a cure, it stops working. SO frustrating. I can’t wait to be off the Progesterone Suppositories. It’s very uncomfortable to be bloated & have constipation pain every day! The new, awesome symptom? Insomnia. I’ve never had this issue in my whole life. And now I wake in the middle of the night & spend a couple hours awake….albeit with 100 things going through my head. I plan to stop laying in bed trying to fall asleep & wake up instead & do some thing distracting and perhaps to help me go back to bed. I’ve been waking up once or twice a night to pee. Not too bad!

28 Week BumpWeek 28 was a bit of a stressful period. I went in for my routein viability and cervical ultrasound & my cervix dropped to 2.1 cm. The doctor said that was normal for this period of my pregnancy but because of my history, I would need to come back in two days & do another ultrasound. She went through some worst case scenarios if my cervix shortened too much & that’s where she lost me. I didn’t hear anything beyond that. It took me right back to being admitted in the hospital with my daughter and nothing but fear crept in me. I was imagining he worse. I am 28 week weeks & I can’t have this baby any time soon. I HAVE to make it to term. I don’t want to have another preterm baby. I just need to get to 37 weeks….I need to bring this baby home, safe & sound.

So I went back to the OB yesterday and my cervix improved to 2.8cm. The u/s tech said I have a perfect cervix, looked great. My doctor agreed! It was a relief but still left me feeling nervous. I will be going in next Wednesday for another u/s & my final one should be October 22nd. If nothing alarming is found, my OB says they won’t be measuring my cervix anymore because after 28 weeks, it is inconclusive. My cervix will naturally start to shorten in the third trimester, getting ready for birth. What leaves me feeling uncomfortable is, what if something happens before term and we miss it because we haven’t been doing ultrasounds? When I was going into labor last time, my cervix was completely thinned out & 2cm dilated and I never felt any pain, nothing – no indication that anything was ‘off’.  This is a question I’ll be asking at some point in the next two weeks. But for now, i will consider myself as the ‘average’ woman at 28 weeks & hope that my pregnancy progresses with no complications.

27W5D 1This week, baby’s 2.2lbs according to my ultrasound measurements! It is in the 53 Percentile which means it’s ‘average’. Yay for me, this means I won’t end up with a 10lb baby to push out! Baby’s been hiccuping about 2-3 times a day ever since the 27th week. That’s a pretty cool sensation. I totally forgot what that was like. I am trying to get this baby to cooperate so my step-daughter, N, can feel him/her too but every time I call her over, baby stops! That’s usually how it works. I’ll try again this evening when we are relaxed on the couch, watching a movie. Baby’s big enough now that when it kicks, my husband feels it against his body in the morning …hehe. But it loves to get active at night, just as I lay down to sleep…naughty!

Until next week!




26 Weeks

26 Week Bump.

This week was pretty awesome. I got to see my baby again! She/he was kicking around & I got to see him/her face head on! Even though it was just regular ultrasound, I could make out more than just the scull bones :) I did get some funny looking photos of our baby. Even though I treasure it, I must say the strait on photos can be a little creepy??? :) Everything’s looking great & my cervix hasn’t done any shortening. I had my Glucose test as well which I’ll find results out some time early next week. The juice tasted like flat, orange pop with added sugar. I felt a little weird after. Perhaps it was the rush of sugar. Anyway, I expect to pass with flying colors.

This week other wise has been relatively uneventful. Baby’s been kicking around like crazy – which is lovely! I can see external kicks through my peripherals, that’s how strong they can be! We’ve continued the search for the perfect name and find ourselves at square one. My husband seems to dislike all of the names I’ve come up with & has recently expressed that he’d like to be the one who chooses the baby’s name! I have times where I get a bit nervous that we’ll end up at the hospital with not a single name we agree on. I certainly do not want to agree on a name just for the sake of it. So, I’m really hoping we come to a mutual agreement we can both be happy with.

My constipation is a constant source of frustration. Every time some thing works for a few days, it stops working and I’m back to square one. This week, I decided to take a dosage of 2 Colace at night in conjunction with around 300mg of Liquid Magnesium and so far it’s helped me have movements each afternoon, following. I just cross my fingers it won’t be a temporary solution.

Baby Stuff:

We’ve accumulated quite an inventory of baby stuff already. We have his/her crib set up with mattress airing out & a matching bed set. We have both car seat stages. We have chosen the new Peg Perego Primo Viaggio 4/35 which is pretty slick, I must say! We have a baby swing, breast feeding pillow, Baby exerciser and a play mat for tummy time. And I must add, other than the crib, these were all gently used hand me downs from wonderful friends & the car seats were gifts from our office. We already have a stroller but unfortunately it’s an old model (second hand) and the car seat adapter no long fits any existing car seat. So that’s been a bit of a bummer…I am told I can strap the car seat down to the stroller because it simply won’t click in. So we’re trying that out.I am hoping we make out well from our shower – I still have a list of things we’re going to need before the baby arrives.

I am in major countdown mode! 5 Weeks left of work & then I’m officially off for 14 months! WEE! I am so excited to start doing all the stuff I have planned before Baby Arrives. Hallowe’en is my last day of work – a fun day at least! The very next day we have our private, one day prenatal course…great way to start off my leave!

And here is a dose of Baby Goodness:

26 Weeks 1



26 Weeks

I’ve been keeping quite busy this week between pricing our a potential bathroom reno & my husband’s knee surgery so, time has gone by fast. Everything’s going well & so I’ve been status quo. My constipation is still some thing I’m battling with. While the Magnesium is making it better, it’s only helping me to pass the stool, not to soften it. But it could be worse and I’d rather it not be any worse. Baby’s been quite active and lots of rolling around!

Next Wednesday is my u/s and OB appointment & also my Glucose test.I never did the Glucose test in my first pregnancy so this will be a new experience. I hear it tastes a lot like Orange Pop and not as bad as everyone says.

cauliflowerThis week, baby’s as big as a Cauliflower….my apps suggest baby’s around 1.5lbs but my baby’s measurements were 1.5lbs at last week’s u/s so he/she is likely a little bigger. He/She can now distinguish from being upside down to right side up. Makes me wonder if he/she will experience a head rush! I should start feeling baby hiccups at some point but I haven’t felt them yet. I remember them with my daughter, it was very distinct. I figure that’ll happen some time in the next couple of weeks.

My belly seems to be slowing down in size from what I can tell. The last couple of week photos seem to be relatively similar. I had a growth spurt from about 20 weeks to 22 weeks and since then, seems to have tapered.

Names: DH and I have been struggling with names. We are pretty sure we have figured out a girl’s name (although my husband keeps saying its just in for the running) but a boy’s name we’re having a very tough time with. In fact, DH hasn’t really made much of a contribution to names and I warned him he best come up with some options if he plans to weigh in! It’s funny how when you are going through this process of naming a human, how many names you learn you HATE! Then there are the names you can’t pick because you know someone who has that name OR someone close who’s named their child that name. And then you finally think you found an awesome name & then your partner tells you they hate it. It’s a really tough job! That’s basically been our process. I plan to get some baby books from the library to see if we’ve yet to have discovered the best name ever…and I’m sure DH will hate all of the names I think are pretty neat! Hah!



24 Week Update

This week I got to see my little bean again! He/she has seemed to really have grown since two weeks ago. Baby’s now around 1.5lbs according to measurements we got on Wednesday. The technician I had this week was great! She seemed very eager to please & to explain so many things. For starters, I asked to hear the heart beating since I still haven’t heard it! And she told me that the machines actually cannot pick up the heart beating but what we can hear is the pulse through the umbilical cord. I mean really, who’d have known that? I wonder if technicians let us believe it’s the baby’s hear to make us feel better about it?! :) She gave me TWO…count them TWO photos of the baby. I can hardly get ONE photo out of the rest.

I’ll be going back in two weeks for another ultrasound/OB appt (26th week) and at the same time, I’ll be doing the glucose test. I never did this in my first pregnancy as with a midwife, you can have the choice to do this test based on your family and health history. So this will be a new thing for me. Two weeks from then on the 28th week I will have the baby measured again and after which point I will no longer need to measure my cervical length anymore. I’ll still be going in for my bi-weekly ultrasound and OB appointments. Dr. H said that after that point, there’s no point to measuring because anyone with cervical shortening problems would have shown issues by then and later on past the 29th week, the cervix can naturally start to shorten as it gets closer to delivery time. It makes me nervous to know this but as long as I’m getting monitored still, I will be happy.

This week, baby’s been extremely active! Especially at night when I am trying to go to sleep.
Sleeping has become more difficult. My hips hurt if I lay on one side for too long & every time I end up on my back, I wake up in discomforts. So, we’re getting to that phase of pregnancy already!

My constipation has been getting better. Third day I’ve been taking Magnesium supplements as per my Natropath’s recommendations, and I’ve had BM every day! I’m happy about it. My stool is still harder than normal but point is, it’s passing. And that’s important! Other wise I’m feeling really good. We have our crib set up as of last weekend! Our mattress arrives next week. I have a pack and play (my bff ordered for me for my shower gift), my office has purchased two car seats for us which is huge!!! One infant size and then the next size up. I did a little online shopping at BabyGap & couldn’t resist…their clothes are sooo freakin’ cute! I have to promise myself, no more baby shopping. It’s hard when you don’t know the gender anyhow! Lots of whites & grays for this little one.

Here is a photo of our little one. Must admit, it’s a nicely shaped head ;)















Week 23 Update!

Every week that goes by, I am more & more grateful that I’m still pregnant.
I still live in fear that one day that other shoe is going to finally drop on me & I’m going to loose this baby. I no longer fear that I’m going to spontaneously have a miscarriage, I worry that I will once again go through PPROM. I want to pass the 37th week mark and then I can feel relief knowing that any time if my baby decides it’s time to come into the world, I have a very good chance I’ll have a healthy baby to bring home.
So many things in my life leading up to this point has been not without tremendous difficulties and hardship. I really would like for ONE major even in my life to be a happy, positive memory and experience.
I’ve been contemplating a lot about this pregnancy and the way I look at it is, I am constantly living in fear of loosing another child however, I’ve got this Optimism and excitement that’s FINALLY here. I’m driving full force ahead planning everything baby with complete determination that this baby is coming home! And yet, I have a very difficult time imagining this to happen. I can’t really make sense of it of put that feeling into words. I think if I believe it, it will happen. So the more I do to prepare for this baby’s arrival, the more real it’s going to get.
I am very aware of my body and what it’s going through. Every ache and pain is noted because I fear I will have this baby too soon. I made it to 32 weeks last time but, I want to make it to term this time. That’s my goal – is getting him/her past 37 weeks. I find that having bi-weekly ultrasounds & appointments very helpful. I think if I didn’t have this type of attention, I’d be much more anxious about everything. I have my next OB appointment on next Wednesday, September 10th. I will have a whole anatomy measurement and my first Fundal Measurement.
24 weeks is the milestone a lot of women are calling “V-Day”. A baby born at 24 weeks has a 35% survival rate. This statistic means absolutely nothing to me and I feel no comfort in it. I had a baby at 32 weeks & she died because she was simply born too soon. I remember feeling really good about this milestone in my first pregnancy thinking I didn’t have to worry going forward. How wrong I was!

grapefruit23 Weeks also means my baby’s as big as a Grape Fruit and weighs just over 1lb!
He/she is starting to develop nipples
He/she is listening to my voice and
His/Her face is fully developed!






This week was not an easy one. I am suffering horrendously with very bad constipation.
It seems that being on Progesterone Supplements on top of my already sluggish system from being pregnant is a BIG culprit. I finally got major relief by Monday night but it was absolute horror trying to pass stool. At one point Monday night my cramps were SO bad I almost went to ER to get help. I just wanted my gut to empty SO badly and I was desperate and nearly in tears the pain was SO bad. I swear I thought I was going into labor! Anyway things finally passed but I felt so sick all night & the next day & my stomach even to this day is a bit sensitive. I will be trying Milk of Magnesium next time it happens. In the mean time I’m taking Colace every day & keeping up with water intake hoping it will help.
I will be consulting with my OB next week if there’s anything more I can do to help. Or if I can perform an enema when things get this bad. I just can’t go on this vicious weekly cycles anymore.

I gained 5lbs in one week between week 21 & 22. It was abnormal. I lost 2lbs a day or two later & figured it was definitely water retention. Well, after I passed all the stool in my body, I went from 156lbs in total back down to 150lbs! I was shocked!

I’ll be giving an update next week after my OB appointment. I’m really hoping I will have another baby picture!!! Until then! xo


22 Weeks!

And this week, baby’s the size of a papaya!!!
He/she is almost 1lb. Wow! I’m feeling tonnes of kicks and punches this week that have been really cool. It’s a great reassurance that everything’s going well. I had my ultrasound and check on Wednesday & all is well. I had that funny-bunny tech & didn’t get a photo this time. She barely even tries or let’s me decide what’s good enough for me. But anyway I’m grateful every two weeks I get to see my little one! I gained 5lbs in a week which is abnormal. My blood pressure is normal so nothing concerning but my OB will keep track of it. I’ve gained 16lbs so far! Next appointment in two weeks we will be getting baby measured and start my Fundal Height measurements going. I still haven’t heard that baby’s heat beat and will be sure to ask at the next appointment. I have found this time around, the techs have been less keen on me seeing my baby or hearing it’s heart. It’s as if they’ve been trained a certain way to be difficult!
This week has been eventful in how I’ve been feeling with my pregnant body. My upper back has been killing me. By end of a day my back is really fatigued. My belly has been stretching out and uncomfortable. I’ve got constipation again that’s been difficult to deal with. I have four months left and hope I feel physically in better shape at some point. I also get this tearing groin feeling above my pubic bone when I go for a walk. I’m told to find a pregnancy belt to help keep my hips together so I’ll be on the lookout.
I am definitely finding this pregnancy tougher physically. I feel I need to be more active to be limber but I have physical limitations and restrictions. I still suffer from my anxieties about the health of this pregnancy and worry I will go into preterm labor. I’m very, very grateful to be pregnant. More than anything I wanted. But it’s been difficult to enjoy being pregnant. I wanted nothing more than to feel blissful and absorb every moment but instead I can’t wait for it to be over and done. I don’t seem to be alone in this. I have made TTC/IVF friends who suffered losses and felt the same. I am however very, very excited the day this baby’s in my arms. But more so, the day he/she is snuggles in it’s stroller, on our way home. Xo


21 Week Eggplant!

Today, our baby’s the size of an Eggplant! Or some would say Carrot or even Pomegranate.


  • Baby Weighs around 13ounces, 10.5″ in length (crown to heel)…explains why I feel him/her kicking so much now!
  • Baby’s almost as big as the placenta! This week, his/her digestive system is maturing
  • Baby’s very active this week! Karate champ in the making here!


This week has been uneventful in baby land. I feel him/her kicking around so much now. There are periods of the day that seem more active. Definitely after a meal, in the late mornings & late afternoon/evenings. It’s very reassuring to feel all these kicks, rolls & punches. I have my next OB/Cervical Measurement on Wednesday of next week. I can’t wait! I live for these two weeks. I went from TWW in TTC to TWW in OB appointments. I always worry that some thing may go wrong and I’ll go into early labor again. I get a stomach ache or cramp and think the worst. While I’m growing in optimism and going full steam ahead in baby preparations, I’m still cautiously optimistic.

I have a registry all made up & have been talking Shower planning with my BFF who will be hosting the party. We will have the shower on November 23rd so that my MIL will be in town for it. It’s still quite a ways away but I’m excited to start planning it & getting things together to make decorations and such. I planned my last shower and never made it. While some part of me is nervous for planning a shower, my optimism that this baby will come home and I have to keep on trucking!

Ps: I feel huge!


Until next time!



3 Years Gone…

I really wanted to write a post yesterday about our baby girl’s would-have-been 3rd birthday but I was really trying to hold it all together & get past the day. That’s how I am…I always put on a brave face and plow through the tough times. I’ve shed a thousand tears…probably more & every year, I feel the pain once again and every year I hope I never feel that pain again. So that’s my reason for pushing through. But an unfortunate thing happened yesterday. My husband’s maternal grandmother passed away. We knew she was dying and it would be a matter of days but I held onto high hopes that it would not be yesterday. I just didn’t want it to happen on the day of our little girls’ birthday. But it did. I had very mixed emotions about it and continue to. I am very sad for her loss & for everyone else’s loss and it tipped the scale for me & I totally broke down last night. But I also grieved for our one day of the year that was for us to remember our little that turned into some thing new. A day of death. I didn’t want her day of birth to also be a memory of someone’s death. And now a week in August is marked by the birth of a little girl who passed 5 days after she was born and the loss of an important family member. August has and is officially one I dread and wish I could sleep through.

We didn’t do anything particular this year to mark her birthday. Nothing seems right. First year we did the balloon release that lot of people do. It was cathartic but so sad. Since then, we haven’t done anything to specifically mark the occasion. I don’t want to do anything that will make my pain feel even worse than it is. Some times I feel bad for this…like we’re not doing anything to mark her special day. But she’s in my heart and I think of her always and I keep her memory alive. And that’s enough for me.


20 Weeks! Half way point!

This Week marks the half way point! Today, the baby is a size of a Banana!!!

SONY DSCThis week, baby has taste buds and is swallowing a few ounces of amniotic fluid every day!

Baby is approximately 10oz and 6.5 inches





This week has marked an important milestone to this pregnancy. I can’t believe I’m half way there! Baby’s more & more active as the week goes by.  If I catch the little one in an active spurt, I can even feel it on the outside! Next I hope my husband can catch these moments as well. We have decided to keep the gender a surprise…that was really hard to do at the anatomy scan. I wonder every day if it’s a boy? or a girl? I have always felt like it’d be a girl but I wondered at times if it were two deciding factors. One that I’m in favor of a little girl & two, my psychic reading said so. Now many people will probably scoff at this idea and call it stupid but she’s been right about everything else. She’s been right about timing of pregnancy, about the fact that there would be two but in the end only one. And that it would be a little girl…born perhaps a couple weeks early. I certainly hope the birth a few weeks early only means as much as 2 weeks early MAX but she mentioned 2 weeks, maybe up to 6 weeks early. Of course this makes me incredibly nervous to read even if it is mumbo jumbo because the last time our little bean was born early, she didn’t survive.

On that topic, this week coming up is going to be a hard one on us. Tuesday the 19th marks what would have been our little girl’s 3rd birthday….THREE! All I can think about is all the things we missed. How different our lives would have been if she lived. Sunday marks the day she lost her life but I have decided that wouldn’t be a significant day for me. I want to mark the happiest day and that’s the day she was born. I continue to miss her dearly. And since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve thought about her more. I feel like this pregnancy & baby is very different which I’m very happy about. I used to fear that I would feel like it was a continuation of our little girl and how hard that would be on me. How hard it would be to imagine that a new baby occupies the space which our little girl grew and was then born. But I’m happy to say none of those feelings are here. I really wanted to feel like this little person was not taking the place of our little angel. I find I think about one thing though – if our daughter survived, this little one would not exist. That’s a strange world to live in. We never would have had another child after our first born, and so I know that had our little girl survived, this little person would not have existed. And yet I’d trade in the world to have my little girl back.

20 week bump 2

Until next time!