The good news is that I am not in labor. The bad news is, I’m still confined to the hospital bed.
I was really hopeful and optimistic that last night I would be going home with my husband but, things didn’t pan out the way I had hoped. The cramps that I had developed Monday night hasn’t gone away completely and because of that, my OB will not discharge me. She says I need to be symptom free and no signs of active labor for her to feel comfortable about me going home. And while that is so difficult at the best of times, I completely agree. I am in the best place I could be right now to help keep this baby baking.
Yesterday was an extremely emotional day. It’s the first time through out this that I finally just broke down in tears. For all the fears I have if he is born too soon and for having to be here, in this hospital another day. Being home means things are OK. And being here means, we’re still unsure of things.
I started off yesterday morning feeling much better than I did the day & night before. My cramps had subsided considerably and I was starting to become optimistic that things could only go uphill from there. But as the day progressed on, my cramps worsened and my fears grew. I thought I would have another ultrasound to see if there were any changes with my cervix but I was told by the resident doctor that they weren’t planning on another ultrasound and the only cervical checks that can be made at this point would be manual. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with another manual exam given how things progressed Monday night and she reassured me that they would just check the outside of the cervix which was gentle and how it was part of their protocol in order to discharge me. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it and wanted to speak with my OB.
As the afternoon wore on, no signs of my OB and my cramps worsening I told my nurse that I was getting concerned and to find out if my OB was still going to come see me. She phoned down to her office to leave a message that I’d like to see her and in the mean time if I wanted, the resident doctor could take a feel of my cervix. I politely DECLINED and waited for my OB.
Dr. H promptly showed up at my door after her clinic closed and we went through protocols. We talked about checking my cervix and after a lot of back & forth, I allowed her to do a very gentle exam and she said there’s no changes in the length of my cervix. I cannot tell you how much better I felt hearing that. I asked her what would be done in the event that labor progresses in order to stop contractions and hold this baby in. Turns out there’s not a heck of a lot that can be done. I broke down in tears and told her I already lost one baby and just couldn’t go through that again. She quickly went through a list of options we could try and she came up with one method that’s been proven to stop contractions, relax the uterine muscles and it was Blood Pressure medication. She said the way that BP medication works is that it opens up the blood vessels and allows blood to flow freely and one of the side effects of the drug is that it relaxes muscles. I agreed to give it a try since at this point, I’m willing to do anything that means this baby stays INSIDE! She agreed to give the drug a try for 24 hours and see how I react to it. One of the downfalls is that my blood pressure could drop which would mean I have to stop the drug. Luckily for me, my blood pressure has remained normal, I’ve had no side effects of it and she’s agreed as of this morning to keep me on it for the time being and just wait & see what happens. So far I can say that my Braxton Hicks has decreased exponentially and my cramps as of today have improved considerably. While this makes me very happy, I am also hopeful that the easing of my cramps aren’t just from the drugs. I would like to be able to believe that my cramps will eventually stop which means I can go home & take it easy, bringing this baby home when it’s the safest time to have him. But for now, the only thing I can do is take it day by day willing this baby to hold on a lot longer.
The fFn test has me on edge. While I understand that false positives are very, very common I don’t do very well with statistics. They usually kick me in the ass, very hard. Days after the test, I still don’t have signs that I’m going into labor which is a good thing – but I need to get past the two week mark and beyond to see if it really was just a false positive result. This makes me very nervous and feeling overly cautious about every movement I make. I hope every morning that I wake up, my waters are still in tact, my cervix still happy, my cramps have gone away and that going home is in my near future. I’m holding onto hope that this will be a distant memory and better things are ahead of me.
For now I know, I’m going to be here in this hospital room under the best care I could ask for. And I’ll stay here for as long as I have to in order to make sure his baby keeps on baking until at least 37 weeks! I’ll be grateful if I can make it that far but I’m just hoping to make it as far as I’m able to. I’m missing my home, my bed, my dog, my husband….my life before this past Monday. It’s difficult to be here emotionally and also having to abandon everything in my life. But I’m doing it for this very special cargo that I struggled to have for such an long time. Hang in there, Baby…please xo